How's it goin?
Last week Ivano had his life changed forever.
He watched Star Wars for the first time.
Now it's time for The Empire Strikes Back.
I made this short video to document Ivano's excitement.
If you can't see the video above then stop reading this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE
The film starts, the oh so familiar Star Wars theme blasts through our speaker system and Ivano asks,
"Is that the Superman Music? Are we watching Superman instead?"
When we see the imperial probes scouting the planet of Hoth, Ivano asked what they were. I explained they were robot probes searching for Luke Skywalker, to which Ivano replied:
"A probe? Like a Chicken Probe? How will he find him with a Chicken Probe? Is he a chicken?"
We see Darth Vadar on the screen for the first time, Ivano asks who did the voice and I tell him James Earl Jones. Althea then attempted to show off her film knowledge by saying,
"He's the King in Coming To America, with Eddie Murphy."
She said this with such pride in her voice anyone would think she just answered the million pound question on who wants to be a millionairre.
When we first see the AT-AT's attacking the Rebel Base, Ivano was shocked to say the least.
"What the fuck is that? Why not just use a Tank? If you fuck up the legs they are down."
He seemed rather pleased with himself when the rebels destroyed the AT-AT's by taking down the legs.
"SEE! I told you!" He screamed with delight.
A short time later in the film, Althea attempted to show off her Star Wars knowledge by shouting,
"Look! It's Yodo!"
Yes you read that right, Yodo!
At this point I put forward my own theory as to the true identity of Yoda.
Yoda is meant to be about 900 years old. Have you ever wondered what he looked like when he was younger?
I believe that Yoda is actually Gizmo, from Gremlins, just 900 years old.
Don't tell me you can't see a resemblance?
Next, we return to the Millennium Falcon where Princess Leia is welding something.
Ivano: Is she welding?
Althea: What's wrong with that? I can weld things.
Both myself and Ivano then burst into fits of laughter.
Then we learned why Princess Leia had her name changed in Italy
Ivano: Do you know she is not called Leia in Italy?
Andy: Really? Why change the name?
Ivano: Because in Italy, Leia means sewage.
On Degobah when Luke tries to raise the X-wing out of the swamp and R2 was beeping with encouragement, Ivano had this to say.
"Why doesn't that fucking wheelie bin shut the fuck up!"
When Yoda lifts the X-wing using the force, he asked the same question everyone has ever asked at that point in the film,
"Wow! How many forklifts were used to do that?"
Ivano has a very technical mind.
When Lando Calrissian arrived on screen, Ivano again insisted that he was actually Lionel Richie.
He might be right.
When Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite, Ivano quite right pointed out that throughout the whole thing,
"He's not looking at her, he's looking at the monkey!"
The monkey, I assume, is Chewbacca. So when Leia said, "I love you." He replied but still looking at Chewie. Weirdo.
And then came the finale, the light saber battle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vadar, and when Darth Vadar gave Luke the opportunity to join him on The Dark Side, this is the conversation that took place.
Ivano: Join him, just join the dark side!
Andy: He can't do that!
Ivano: Why not? Is it not good money?
So the film ended, Ivano had a few critical comments as well as high praise for the guy who played Chewbacca. (Peter Mayhew) As this short video will show.
Once again, if you can't see the video above then stop readin this crap on facebook and CLICK HERE
Tune in next week for Return Of The Jedi.
That's All For Now
Until Next Time
May The Force Be With You
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